I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
