I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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