my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
