I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
