the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
