i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
3 2 1 whiskey
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
