Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
