just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
