They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
