i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
