Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize