are you still at the devil's house?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
