i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
