He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
