Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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