even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
