We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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