oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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