After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
