too bad you live with your parents still
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
