you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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