I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
