Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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