it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I cut my penus on the lid.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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