Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
