C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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