I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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