Just fell off a train. Bad.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I still have a little drunk in my system
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
