After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
