yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
