Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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