I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
