Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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