Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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