After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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