yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
