in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
