The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
