My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
