the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Congratulations! We have a period
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
