She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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