You just made me feel so damn special
my being single is dangerous.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
