No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
