remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
