the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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