It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
