I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
