Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
