i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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