i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
