Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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