Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
