I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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