2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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