3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
