she woke up with a sticky ear
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
