Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
its not stalking. its research.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Every concussion has its silver lining
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ladies don't puke and tell
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
