Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
