I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
