Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
