My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
