I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
