I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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