the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
