there's paper in my vomit.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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