I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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