dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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