hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
