hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
