sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
