could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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