Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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