I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Semen is not good for contacts.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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