Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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