I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
