I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
