You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
