your parents love me but you hate me
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
not ubering you a puppy
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
